Today seems to be a day full of questions like, "What is that? And where did it come from?" and, "I can't find anything."
I had planned to take Stacy and mom to the lab for their blood tests but from the second I saw mom wobbling into the kitchen this morning looking blank and confused I knew that it wasn't a good day to take her anywhere.
Innocently I asked, "Did you see the blooms on the hibiscus?" I had moved two plants still in their black pots waiting to be planted into the yard onto a small table on the patio directly in front of the dining room window. It took her awhile to see the blooms which worried me that her vision is worse than I thought it was. "What kind of plant is that? You must have bought it yesterday."
Perhaps the best thing would have been to say that it was a new plant, but just to continue the conversation I said that we'd had 4 hibiscus plants since November, but that they bloomed last night so that's probably why they looked different.
"I don't remember them at all. But then I don't remember anything anyway."
"I moved two pots from the corner and put them on the table so that we could enjoy the flowers."
"Well don't move things around, that confuses me." This from someone who moves things around in her room a couple of times a day . . .
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Mom pulled open drawers and opened cabinets before finally asking, "Where do you keep the bread? I can't remember."
The bread is on the counter in a stainless steel bread-keeper. "Is that new?" Nope, it's been there for months now. "Figures, nothing looks right today and I feel yucky. I must have had a stroke last night."
Lately, she believes that she's having small strokes and that's why her memory is off or why she feels awful. The doctor told me that there isn't any sign of strokes but that mom seems to need an excuse for feeling the way she does.
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Just before lunch she burst into the front door. "Come and see the odd birds on the roof next door."
I had a feeling that the birds might be pigeons that I'd seen earlier on the roof of the house behind us. Yep, good old ordinary grey pigeons.
Mom was excited about the birds. "They're not crows but I don't think I've seen that kind of bird before."
How does one not tell one's mother that they birds were like a few million she's seen over the years along with the fact that we had a flock of pigeons when I was a kid?
"They do seem out of place here, maybe that's why they don't look familiar," I offered.
"Well they're certainly not crows."
We haven't seen a lot of crows since moving here, but it seems that if a bird isn't a crow then she has no idea what it is.
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When mom charges into my room I know things aren't going to turn out well. "My tray isn't under my bed. What's happened to it?"
Without thinking again I asked, "You mean the trays we gave away?" She absolutely did not want two rattan trays anymore, so I donated them.
"Who did I give a tray to and why? I need it?!!?"
Fortunately, there was a bed tray in the laundry room that seemed to be the kind she was looking for. "How did it get there? I'm positive that it was under my bed."
Oh boy! There hasn't been a tray under her bed ever! But if she can't find anything that's where she believes that the items should be.
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A few minutes ago mom came into my room, "Come and look at the beautiful red blooms on the hibiscus!"
"Aren't they outstanding," I said.
"I'm so glad that you chose red ones, they're gorgeous. And did you see the new bloom on the gardenia by my door? Course, you know that since my stroke I can't smell it? I lost my sense of smell and taste sometime last year when I had that stroke."
I'm beginning to think that she did have a stroke, it seems so real to her. How does one stay sane while living with someone who has Alzheimer's? My memory is sketchy at times with large gaps in it, but I know that to be part of the FM, or is it? Am I also disappearing into a place that no one will be able to reach? I don't think so; I do think that I don't wish to remember certain events or days in my life. Selective memory might be a way of dealing with life.
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I rediscovered flip-flops a couple of days ago. Odd type of sandal to wear around, if you really think about it. There is a punishing pain between two toes while breaking them in and then there is the precise stepping one does while trying to keep the darn things on! But, they're the best thing to put on when going outside for a few minutes to photograph, that is if you don't happen to trip all over your feet. The cats are amused by the fancy foot-work I seem to perform for their amusement. When I kick the flip-flops off they give them a sniff test and then chew on them. Maybe they should be sold as a cat toys?
My goal for photographing the hibiscus was to give it an appearance of a still-life. Not easy to pull off while the plant is still in a pot. But by laying it on its side on the concrete I was able to get a few interesting shots. Who knew that grey concrete could make an interesting background? When the breeze stops I'll try some more angles; at least I think it's worth playing around with. The breeze isn't cooling off the 92 degree temperature!
