Gifts!

I'm on a quest for for daily gifts and this one came at the end of the day! Balmy evening with a silky breeze and a sky on fire!

Seeds of discouragement will not

grow in the thankful heart.

Anonymous

Planting soil!

Rather than drag in 200 or more bags of soil we opted to have compost/planting mix delivered! After all we were planning to mound areas behind the brick retaining wall! When the soil was dumped into the drive-way I wanted to shout STOP! I thought that half of the load was enough and it probably would have been.

I don't own a wheelbarrow, well I didn't, so off to Home Depot to find one that would fit into the car. Who knew that wheelbarrows were so large? My friend isn't at his best assembling things so I stayed clear during the assembling process. It's a nice black one and I'm told it works quite well. But by the third day that no longer mattered! The bedding area had about as much soil as it could hold and we still had a large pile in the drive-way. The HOA frowns on leaving things for long periods of time in the drive-way so we carted 50 wheelbarrows full of soil to the side of the house where the darn stuff may spend the next decade! I certainly won't need planting soil for a long time! We put plastic drop cloths down under the pile. I need to cover the mound of soil to prevent it from blowing all over the place during one of the epic windstorms that strike without warning.

The worst thing about the soil, outside of nearly killing my friend, is how allergenic it is! I spent the entire day on Sunday in bed sleeping in an attempt to get over the effects! When I have an FM flare-up one of the symptoms is feeling like I have the worst case of flu in the world. I had to climb out of bed yesterday to take Stacy to for dialysis and to run errands. We were low on the essentials like bread and vegetables. Happily, today is a stay-at-home day!!! Dialysis again tomorrow and Friday and on Thursday mom and Stacy have their monthly doctor appointment. The appointment is at 10:30 but we'll be lucky if see the doctor before noon! I think that he starts off each day running behind and never catches up!

Mom isn't having a good day! She once again looks very lost and keeps asking me when the front gate will be installed. Hopefully this week!! Stacy's BP is on the rise and vertigo seems to be the main symptom I have today . . . I'm also fighting depression, nothing new . . .

"You create your own universe as you go along."

Winston Churchill

Okay, so I know that I'm stuck in the muck of depression because of my thoughts and or reactions to the health issues that the 3 of us have, but getting unstuck seems insurmountable when the energy levels are residing on the bottom of some imaginary hole. I also know that I can change my thoughts in an instant by focusing on something beautiful. My friend just phoned from Jackson, WY. He described the snow on the Tetons and the breathtaking sunrise he captured on film! What a gift! My friend is always optimistic and finds enjoyment in the simple things; no wonder I've been crazy about him for 24 years! Why he puts up with me is beyond comprehension.

Six Months!

Celebrating our 6 month anniversary with a newly planted backyard!!!

When the flagstone, fill dirt, gravel and adobe soil cover were delivered on March 23rd excitement was in the air about the possibility of seeing something in the backyard besides dirt!! The stack of flagstone on the top left became the floor for the arbor and path down the side of the house. The poor fountain, top right, looked a bit bewildered on March 22 when it was delivered, but by Saturday the 31st (yep, it's in the same spot it was in the top photo!) it looked more like the feature I had hoped it would become. I've had the cement turtle for about a decade and it seems to be at home next to the rock fountain. We've planted water plants around the fountain in sealed pots and have our fingers crossed that they'll grow.

The tree, a Tipu, has lost some leaves and turned a little yellow. I had hoped I had seen the last of Home Depot for awhile but I made a trip there today for some B-1 and iron! The yard looks very raw at the moment and with the temps in the high 80's I'm constantly worried! Who needs more stress?!? Some plants have wilted quite a lot and I'm ever hopeful that they'll revive!

Tip: click on photos for a larger version.

Motif

Digital manipulation . . .

There are times when a sunset can remind me how great it is to be alive! Mom announced at dinner that "we have to go for a walk tonight. We haven't walked in age." We've missed two nights due to extreme heat! A gentle breeze made tonight's walk tolerable. I did a little bin-diving on the way home for some scrap wood. More new houses are being framed in just around the corner from us. I was carrying a board about 8 feet long when wouldn't you know it we came face-to-face with a couple out on their walk. The sky had just burst into a magnificent red streaked glow so I said, "Did you see it?" The couple was walking toward us. "Oh my yes. Are you carrying wood because of the big black dog up the street?"

"You caught us in the act of digging around the bin for scraps. We didn't see the dog tonight."

Once back home I got mom settled into her room with ice water and the shades shut. A few minutes later she burst into the front door. "I need ice water and I can't get the air conditioner on! I'm so hot . . ." We filled up another glass and went back to the casita. On her night stand was the first glass of water. "I got frantic in the heat and thought I was going to pass out, so I didn't see the water."

Just another case of not remembering something that she did five minutes before. Today we've gone over and over the details about the gate we ordered for the front entrance yesterday. It hasn't sunk in yet, nor has the date of delivery for trees, fountain, gravel, and flagstone for the backyard. The gate, very expensive, is something that we hope helps her to feel safe in the casita. Locking her door is driving us both nuts! I have the best SIL in the world! The gate isn't in the budget but he knows how important it is for mom to have it. We chose a sun motif that is being designed. Adam, the artist creating the gate, was the first one to create a sun motif for a gate in this complex and now there are lots of copies. The one he's designing for us is will be quite a bit different than the suns he's done before. I was teasing when I said, "We need sharp points like stakes at the top," but he took that to heart and drew a design that isn't straight at the top. Can't wait to see what he does! I love metal.

Just to lighten the on-going saga about the gate my SIL and I talk about the moat we need to dig around the house and the draw-bridge for the garage. It must be awful to be so paranoid about strangers entering one's room! Mom doesn't have anything of value but she's convinced she's been watched by the house builders. Tonight she didn't want to open her front windows for air because someone might come in. "They wait for hot nights when windows are open." The windows are fairly safe as they only open a few inches . . .

What is that?

Today seems to be a day full of questions like, "What is that? And where did it come from?" and, "I can't find anything."

I had planned to take Stacy and mom to the lab for their blood tests but from the second I saw mom wobbling into the kitchen this morning looking blank and confused I knew that it wasn't a good day to take her anywhere.

Innocently I asked, "Did you see the blooms on the hibiscus?" I had moved two plants still in their black pots waiting to be planted into the yard onto a small table on the patio directly in front of the dining room window. It took her awhile to see the blooms which worried me that her vision is worse than I thought it was. "What kind of plant is that? You must have bought it yesterday."

Perhaps the best thing would have been to say that it was a new plant, but just to continue the conversation I said that we'd had 4 hibiscus plants since November, but that they bloomed last night so that's probably why they looked different.

"I don't remember them at all. But then I don't remember anything anyway."

"I moved two pots from the corner and put them on the table so that we could enjoy the flowers."

"Well don't move things around, that confuses me." This from someone who moves things around in her room a couple of times a day . . .

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Mom pulled open drawers and opened cabinets before finally asking, "Where do you keep the bread? I can't remember."

The bread is on the counter in a stainless steel bread-keeper. "Is that new?" Nope, it's been there for months now. "Figures, nothing looks right today and I feel yucky. I must have had a stroke last night."

Lately, she believes that she's having small strokes and that's why her memory is off or why she feels awful. The doctor told me that there isn't any sign of strokes but that mom seems to need an excuse for feeling the way she does.

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Just before lunch she burst into the front door. "Come and see the odd birds on the roof next door."

I had a feeling that the birds might be pigeons that I'd seen earlier on the roof of the house behind us. Yep, good old ordinary grey pigeons.

Mom was excited about the birds. "They're not crows but I don't think I've seen that kind of bird before."

How does one not tell one's mother that they birds were like a few million she's seen over the years along with the fact that we had a flock of pigeons when I was a kid?

"They do seem out of place here, maybe that's why they don't look familiar," I offered.

"Well they're certainly not crows."

We haven't seen a lot of crows since moving here, but it seems that if a bird isn't a crow then she has no idea what it is.

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When mom charges into my room I know things aren't going to turn out well. "My tray isn't under my bed. What's happened to it?"

Without thinking again I asked, "You mean the trays we gave away?" She absolutely did not want two rattan trays anymore, so I donated them.

"Who did I give a tray to and why? I need it?!!?"

Fortunately, there was a bed tray in the laundry room that seemed to be the kind she was looking for. "How did it get there? I'm positive that it was under my bed."

Oh boy! There hasn't been a tray under her bed ever! But if she can't find anything that's where she believes that the items should be.

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A few minutes ago mom came into my room, "Come and look at the beautiful red blooms on the hibiscus!"

"Aren't they outstanding," I said.

"I'm so glad that you chose red ones, they're gorgeous. And did you see the new bloom on the gardenia by my door? Course, you know that since my stroke I can't smell it? I lost my sense of smell and taste sometime last year when I had that stroke."

I'm beginning to think that she did have a stroke, it seems so real to her. How does one stay sane while living with someone who has Alzheimer's? My memory is sketchy at times with large gaps in it, but I know that to be part of the FM, or is it? Am I also disappearing into a place that no one will be able to reach? I don't think so; I do think that I don't wish to remember certain events or days in my life. Selective memory might be a way of dealing with life.

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I rediscovered flip-flops a couple of days ago. Odd type of sandal to wear around, if you really think about it. There is a punishing pain between two toes while breaking them in and then there is the precise stepping one does while trying to keep the darn things on! But, they're the best thing to put on when going outside for a few minutes to photograph, that is if you don't happen to trip all over your feet. The cats are amused by the fancy foot-work I seem to perform for their amusement. When I kick the flip-flops off they give them a sniff test and then chew on them. Maybe they should be sold as a cat toys?

My goal for photographing the hibiscus was to give it an appearance of a still-life. Not easy to pull off while the plant is still in a pot. But by laying it on its side on the concrete I was able to get a few interesting shots. Who knew that grey concrete could make an interesting background? When the breeze stops I'll try some more angles; at least I think it's worth playing around with. The breeze isn't cooling off the 92 degree temperature!