Loss

I posted a black-and-white version of the Kangaroo Paw yesterday on my other blog. I aimed my camera at the blossom again today; as the bloom loses more of its life I can't help but think about all of the loses that attack us daily. The loss of lives struck down by a deranged soul in VA who killed 32 people at Virginia Tech before killing himself. Why!?? The loss of the view of mountains in my backyard as neighbors plant more and more trees! I coveted the view! The loss of mom's memory as she struggles with the daily diminishing of brain cells. Today came into my room in tears. "I seem to be ready for the nut house! I put down a book and came back from the bathroom and the book was gone. I've looked everywhere."

This isn't the first time she's done that. I can only assume that she finished the book and put it away so I asked her if she'd finished the book. "If I did I sure don't remember the ending."

I recently read in a book about Alzheimer's that often people will think that had been in the midst of doing something but it was only an illusion. I hated to say, "Maybe you weren't even reading." I made her lunch because I could tell that she wasn't up to trying to figure out how to make a sandwich today. Actually, my brain is also rather fuzzy around the edges today but I thought it was due to a major allergy attack brought on by the latest windstorms. So, when I tried putting the chips into the refrigerator and mom caught it she had to laugh, "We're a pathetic bunch!" As Stacy would say, "Yep, you got that right."

The Importance of Shadows!

Having lived with a yard devoid of any plant life for six months I've come to realize how important shadows are to me! The first shadows to appear in the yard belonged to those of the two trees and now that there are vines planted against the brick walls and flowers in the mounded bedding area there are shadows everywhere! Shadows weren't evident most days on the foggy Monterey Peninsula, but here in the desert they're nearly a daily occurrence; I hope I don't take them for granted!

I've been mulling over this quote:

Had better treatments been available to

certain artists of the past, they might not

have found their inspiration.

Dr. Paul Wolf

On the cusp of despair and seeking lots of naps and DVD's the quote hit me hard! So, I picked up a paint brush, grabbed red, turquoise, and straw yellow paint and spent an hour splashing paint onto paper. Ahh! Much better!

The quote also reminded me of something a friend used to say to me, "Go to the beach and get sand in between your toes." It was his way of saying, "go and play." Life has become way to serious to suit me and maybe using primary colors is a way to once again become playful.

Gifts!

I'm on a quest for for daily gifts and this one came at the end of the day! Balmy evening with a silky breeze and a sky on fire!

Seeds of discouragement will not

grow in the thankful heart.

Anonymous

Planting soil!

Rather than drag in 200 or more bags of soil we opted to have compost/planting mix delivered! After all we were planning to mound areas behind the brick retaining wall! When the soil was dumped into the drive-way I wanted to shout STOP! I thought that half of the load was enough and it probably would have been.

I don't own a wheelbarrow, well I didn't, so off to Home Depot to find one that would fit into the car. Who knew that wheelbarrows were so large? My friend isn't at his best assembling things so I stayed clear during the assembling process. It's a nice black one and I'm told it works quite well. But by the third day that no longer mattered! The bedding area had about as much soil as it could hold and we still had a large pile in the drive-way. The HOA frowns on leaving things for long periods of time in the drive-way so we carted 50 wheelbarrows full of soil to the side of the house where the darn stuff may spend the next decade! I certainly won't need planting soil for a long time! We put plastic drop cloths down under the pile. I need to cover the mound of soil to prevent it from blowing all over the place during one of the epic windstorms that strike without warning.

The worst thing about the soil, outside of nearly killing my friend, is how allergenic it is! I spent the entire day on Sunday in bed sleeping in an attempt to get over the effects! When I have an FM flare-up one of the symptoms is feeling like I have the worst case of flu in the world. I had to climb out of bed yesterday to take Stacy to for dialysis and to run errands. We were low on the essentials like bread and vegetables. Happily, today is a stay-at-home day!!! Dialysis again tomorrow and Friday and on Thursday mom and Stacy have their monthly doctor appointment. The appointment is at 10:30 but we'll be lucky if see the doctor before noon! I think that he starts off each day running behind and never catches up!

Mom isn't having a good day! She once again looks very lost and keeps asking me when the front gate will be installed. Hopefully this week!! Stacy's BP is on the rise and vertigo seems to be the main symptom I have today . . . I'm also fighting depression, nothing new . . .

"You create your own universe as you go along."

Winston Churchill

Okay, so I know that I'm stuck in the muck of depression because of my thoughts and or reactions to the health issues that the 3 of us have, but getting unstuck seems insurmountable when the energy levels are residing on the bottom of some imaginary hole. I also know that I can change my thoughts in an instant by focusing on something beautiful. My friend just phoned from Jackson, WY. He described the snow on the Tetons and the breathtaking sunrise he captured on film! What a gift! My friend is always optimistic and finds enjoyment in the simple things; no wonder I've been crazy about him for 24 years! Why he puts up with me is beyond comprehension.

Six Months!

Celebrating our 6 month anniversary with a newly planted backyard!!!

When the flagstone, fill dirt, gravel and adobe soil cover were delivered on March 23rd excitement was in the air about the possibility of seeing something in the backyard besides dirt!! The stack of flagstone on the top left became the floor for the arbor and path down the side of the house. The poor fountain, top right, looked a bit bewildered on March 22 when it was delivered, but by Saturday the 31st (yep, it's in the same spot it was in the top photo!) it looked more like the feature I had hoped it would become. I've had the cement turtle for about a decade and it seems to be at home next to the rock fountain. We've planted water plants around the fountain in sealed pots and have our fingers crossed that they'll grow.

The tree, a Tipu, has lost some leaves and turned a little yellow. I had hoped I had seen the last of Home Depot for awhile but I made a trip there today for some B-1 and iron! The yard looks very raw at the moment and with the temps in the high 80's I'm constantly worried! Who needs more stress?!? Some plants have wilted quite a lot and I'm ever hopeful that they'll revive!

Tip: click on photos for a larger version.